Saturday, June 29, 2013

Having A Brain Tumour is Good For Something

There are things that come along with recovering from brain surgery that turn out OK when you look at it with the right attitude.  For example, we have a hummingbird, well actually I think we have two.  I've had hummingbird feeders in the past, I think I fed them, the liquid disappeared and I would see them every now and then.  However, now I know for sure that I'm feeding them as I've had the pleasure of watching them over the past few days.  Amazingly they are not afraid at all.  Zack and I stood on the deck patiently waiting for him to return.  He flew right up to Zack's chest, as he was wearing a shirt with bright red on it and hovered there, scooted over to me and realized I was not food, then to the feeder.  He zoomed off and Zack and I looked at each other in amazement at how totally cool that experience was.  I'm now addicted and love watching him.  If I wasn't recovering from brain surgery I wouldn't have the time to sit patiently and wait for them to come and eat.

Another thing that's alright is the fact that even though we've had very little sun, on the nice days I can sit on my deck for short periods of time.  The heat and my head DO NOT get along if I'm trying to do something like weed my garden.  However, if I'm just sitting there drinking a tea I do ok.  The advantage......for the first time in many years I have "kind of" tanned legs.  This is a miracle for an overly white chick like myself, you don't get much whiter then this blonde haired blue eyed girl.  The only other time I have been able to achieve a tan is through tanning beds and I don't do that anymore.  I'm sure that most people would still think of my legs as not being tanned, but they are not the colour of Elmers white glue at the moment so that's cool.

Finally, I've realized in the last two days that I can't beat this thing.  It's bigger then me.  This doesn't mean I'm giving up, in fact the complete opposite.  It means that finally I've surrendered to the fact that recovery is in my hands and by "over doing it" I'm prolonging the recovery process, 1 step forward, 20 steps back.  Although I think I can do anything, I wouldn't be so stupid to fight a lion or a bear, so why fight this?  So no more pretending I'm better then I am, rest when my body tells me to and stop beating myself up over the fact that I'm not in control.   If I can sit patiently for a hummingbird to return to the feeder, then I can do the same for myself and my brain.


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