Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Live In The Moment My Friends

The sun is shinning in Nova Scotia once again.  If you can hide from the North wind that still reminds you it's April, it's actually really nice out.  I've spent my last few days headache free.  The last one was a doozy so I guess my brain tumour is taking it easy on me.  I'm ok with that.  Feels fantastic to have my hands in the dirt pulling weeds from the garden, raking leaves and just sitting in the sun like a cat.  This new found "energy" that the sunshine gives you is still short lived as napping and raking seem to go hand in hand.  I have finally surrendered to the fact that my days of pulling a full work day, then a full "Moms" work night are over.  Lots of things don't get done around here anymore and that's OK.  If only half the floor gets swept, so be it, the dirt will be there tomorrow.   Sadly I'm having a hard enough time keeping up with this, I haven't even added the 8 hour work day yet.

The Easter Bunny hopped into our yard this year and brought a large trampoline.  My kids are over the moon with excitement and enjoying this new toy.  I got on with TJay and we held hands and bounced together laughing like kids, I can't tell you the joy in this.  Small things when you have a serious illness are everything.  The following day my kids had me on once again.  You know those moments as a parent when you say to yourself, I need to breathe this moment, etch this moment, live this moment as it is beyond special.  That was one of them.  Watching them bounce and the two of them laughing at my inabilities was priceless.  They are my everything and are proof that God gives us gifts of love in the form of children.  I paid in the form of pain that afternoon and the following day, feeling like I probably shouldn't have "played" on that trampoline.  However, I wouldn't change those moments of sheer joy for anything.

As I type this I hear the giggles and the squeak of the springs of that trampoline.  I'm missing moments and although we can't capture them all, my plan is to do my very best.  Enjoy today's sunshine, laughter and above all health.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Migraine Madness

Struck down again with yet another migraine.  I remember when my migraines told me they were on their way.  A burning sensation up the back on my neck, then aura, then bam....that headache that only a migraine sufferer would understand.  Lately, they have taken on "the sneak attack" approach.  I had two migraines that caused partial loss of vision prior to my diagnoses, scared me to say the least. I had a break from them after my surgery.  I guess my body took pity on me knowing I was dealing with recovery.

My last two migraine, both very different had a common theme.  Weird visual disturbances.  Yesterday in the middle of a conversation with my best friend, I couldn't finish my sentence.  I tried but I couldn't, my mind was trying to process the sudden visual field I was seeing.  The fish bowl affect.  We have all seen it in pictures, camera settings etc.  It's like looking through thick glass.  Then all I could see when I closed my eyes was a half moon made of crystals, so bright then blue and red.  Tears are flowing at this point as I am in panic mode.  Once again, thank God for T Jay calming me down to the point that the moon disappeared, leaving me with a wicked pressure in my head.  To bed I went.

Today, I'm tired, confused and a tad bit frustrated.  I would do anything to have my life back before my tumour took up residence.  I would do anything to have my tumour completely removed.  I wonder why I have to live with a brain tumour.  I sometimes wonder what fate has in store for me.  I don't know the answer to that.  What I do know is I have a big presence ( a polite way of saying I have a big mouth)  I would scream from the roof top that funding is needed, research is crucial and support is necessary.  And that's why I walk in the Spring Sprint to support the Brain Tumour Foundation of Canada.  This year we walk on Saturday May 10th at the Canada Games Centre in Clayton Park.   I would love to have you walk with us.  My team is called Recovery Roadsters, just click on the name, it will take you right to my fundraising page.  It really is the only thing that makes me feel like I have purpose right now.  Other then of course my amazing family.  I want the world to know that there are thousands of people affected by this illness, it's real, it's not pretty and it's underfunded.  I can help change that by telling my story, giving you a glimpse of what it's like to live with a brain tumour.

My head may be hurting but my mind is comforted by purpose.  Take a look at the following link, it has common signs and symptoms of a brain tumour.