Saturday, October 4, 2014

Tumours Have Bad Days Too!

We all do it, I've done it countless times.  The awkward weirdness that comes with not knowing what to say to someone who is sick.  Maybe it's just the true shock of being so surprised that someone unwell can look that good.  I can't even begin to tell you how many times I said these words " Wow you look so good" to patients in the hospital.  It's like we are somehow paying them a compliment for what they are going through.  It's in our soul to be kind, nurturing and tender.  It's also part of life to say stupid things when we really don't know what else to say.

When I hear "Ya look good, so how are you feeling" it's like a two part statement that completely discredit how I might be feeling...because how do you say you feel shitty after someone says, "ya look good"  Well, I've started saying that.  I'm tired of trying to make other people feel better and ease their discomfort.  I don't wear a sign on me that says "hey I have a brain tumour"  There's no window in my head for you to see it (albeit they did leave a hole but thankfully they covered it up with skin)  Tumour are for the most part inside our body and anyone who is totting theirs around doesn't have an arrow pointing to the location of their intruder.

I had someone recently ask me "so is everything good now"  umm.... I responded with "no it will NEVER be good I have a brain tumour"  Not to mention all the effects that came along with brain surgery.  So I have to ask myself, what is the silver lining in all of this?  Everything we do in life, every event, every circumstance is to better us some how.  I truly believe that, so you have to understand that this is hard for me to wrap my head around some days.  Maybe its for me to just get over myself.  So I have a tumour, people are genuinely concerned, be thankful for that and shut up.

Ive never been good and keeping my mouth shut, so me and my awkward tumour will just keeping taking it day by day.  Forgive me if I bite your head off, it's the tumour that is having a bad day.