Monday, April 1, 2013

It's Tumour weight right?

I'm not sure about you, but I have two children and for years after my children where born I blamed the extra 10 to 15 pounds on my pregnancies.  I'm all of 5 foot nothing so 5 pounds looks double on a small frame like mine. When my youngest reached 8 I thought hmmm maybe, JUST maybe it's no longer pregnancy weight.  So, I joined the gym a year later and couldn't believe how quickly the body can change when you treat it right.  It wasn't the weight loss, although that did happen, it was the change in shape that impressed me more.  The more I worked the better I felt, for a while.  During my year at the gym my dizzy spells became worse and the rise in blood pressure caused a very unpleasant feeling in my head.  We blamed it on my low blood pressure and carried on.  It got to the point approaching spring when the gym and I just weren't getting along anymore and I went less and less.  Weeks later I was diagnosed with my brain tumour.

I've been inactive since June of last year and it shows.  It's the best excuse in the world and I can't even use it!!!  No one would ever say to you "Wow, you've put on a lot of weight"  at least not to your face. You see this would be the perfect time for me to use the "tumour weight" excuse..."ya, I know I did, but I was diagnosed with a brain tumour and I'm recovering from brain surgery"  That opens the door to "oh I'm so sorry to hear that" which in turn I feel I must be polite and say "thanks but it's ok".   So why do we do that?  Why as humans do we say things are ok when they are not?   It's not ok that I had brain surgery, it's not ok that I still have a brain tumour, it's not ok that vision and perspective problems keep me from getting out for walks.  It's the same reason we say "good thanks" when someone asks how are we doing, even when you are suffering from the worse flu ever!!!  Social awkwardness.  We all do it and it's ok that we do.  It's not in our nature to purposely hurt someone's feelings.  We're not normally taught as children how to deal with situations that surround tragic or sudden.  We learn this from our parents, and this parent would love to take a stand and teach my children how to deal with social awkwardness.  I'm living it, I should be the perfect educator right?  I might be, except my " tumour weight" is not solely measured in pounds.


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