All 'Bout The Stable

I checked out!!  I'm a bad blog writer, very bad, but I had to.  I wasn't depressed or angry,  just tired of having a brain tumour.  Which is kind of funny since it's all mine and I get to keep it.  Some days I just want to take my drugs and play pretend.  I'm going to give myself that.

Lots has happened since I last posted but nothing earth shattering.  I saw a new neurologist which will not be replacing my current one.  However, he did ask a valid point, "who's your neurosurgeon"  to which I replied, I don't have one, she moved the the USA.  I guess for the last two years, even though I'm not a candidate for surgery anymore, (due to crappy/dangerous tumour location) I'm supposed to have one in my back pocket.  You know for if and when it does decide to grow.  Huh!!  I guess that's in the works and since I didn't have a neurologist for a year and a half I'm not surprised the ball was dropped on this one too.

Saw my radiation oncologist (another back pocket Doc for the if and when) he gave me my MRI results and I'm happy to report that my brain intruder hasn't grown and is just hanging out.   Good news, and radiation is still there when we need it.  For right now we will all just breathe.  In May I get to hop in the MRI tube again and wait the agonizing days for the results, living life 6 months at a time is for sure giving me grey hair, least of my worries I know.

So today is my day to rest with the reassurance that my brain tumour is quiet, this really only last about a month and then I get all freaked out again.  Little wonder eh?

There are days I find the humour in my life.  There are days when I am constantly calculating time and days that are just numb.  Today, is a humour day.  I created this picture that makes me laugh every time I look at it.

Tumours Have Bad Days Too!

We all do it, I've done it countless times.  The awkward weirdness that comes with not knowing what to say to someone who is sick.  Maybe it's just the true shock of being so surprised that someone unwell can look that good.  I can't even begin to tell you how many times I said these words " Wow you look so good" to patients in the hospital.  It's like we are somehow paying them a compliment for what they are going through.  It's in our soul to be kind, nurturing and tender.  It's also part of life to say stupid things when we really don't know what else to say.

When I hear "Ya look good, so how are you feeling" it's like a two part statement that completely discredit how I might be feeling...because how do you say you feel shitty after someone says, "ya look good"  Well, I've started saying that.  I'm tired of trying to make other people feel better and ease their discomfort.  I don't wear a sign on me that says "hey I have a brain tumour"  There's no window in my head for you to see it (albeit they did leave a hole but thankfully they covered it up with skin)  Tumour are for the most part inside our body and anyone who is totting theirs around doesn't have an arrow pointing to the location of their intruder.

I had someone recently ask me "so is everything good now"  umm.... I responded with "no it will NEVER be good I have a brain tumour"  Not to mention all the effects that came along with brain surgery.  So I have to ask myself, what is the silver lining in all of this?  Everything we do in life, every event, every circumstance is to better us some how.  I truly believe that, so you have to understand that this is hard for me to wrap my head around some days.  Maybe its for me to just get over myself.  So I have a tumour, people are genuinely concerned, be thankful for that and shut up.

Ive never been good and keeping my mouth shut, so me and my awkward tumour will just keeping taking it day by day.  Forgive me if I bite your head off, it's the tumour that is having a bad day.