We all do it, I've done it countless times. The awkward weirdness that comes with not knowing what to say to someone who is sick. Maybe it's just the true shock of being so surprised that someone unwell can look that good. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I said these words " Wow you look so good" to patients in the hospital. It's like we are somehow paying them a compliment for what they are going through. It's in our soul to be kind, nurturing and tender. It's also part of life to say stupid things when we really don't know what else to say.
When I hear "Ya look good, so how are you feeling" it's like a two part statement that completely discredit how I might be feeling...because how do you say you feel shitty after someone says, "ya look good" Well, I've started saying that. I'm tired of trying to make other people feel better and ease their discomfort. I don't wear a sign on me that says "hey I have a brain tumour" There's no window in my head for you to see it (albeit they did leave a hole but thankfully they covered it up with skin) Tumour are for the most part inside our body and anyone who is totting theirs around doesn't have an arrow pointing to the location of their intruder.
I had someone recently ask me "so is everything good now" umm.... I responded with "no it will NEVER be good I have a brain tumour" Not to mention all the effects that came along with brain surgery. So I have to ask myself, what is the silver lining in all of this? Everything we do in life, every event, every circumstance is to better us some how. I truly believe that, so you have to understand that this is hard for me to wrap my head around some days. Maybe its for me to just get over myself. So I have a tumour, people are genuinely concerned, be thankful for that and shut up.
Ive never been good and keeping my mouth shut, so me and my awkward tumour will just keeping taking it day by day. Forgive me if I bite your head off, it's the tumour that is having a bad day.
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
This "Time" Was Healing
Have you ever known you were exactly where you were supposed to be at a given moment? Call it fate, divine intervention, call it what you want, it happened to me.
A few weeks ago I had to actually go into the bank, I know in the day of online banking and bank machines, it's a rarity. The person I needed to see was no in yet so I went to the Bank Tellers. Having worked at this particular bank and branch I knew one of the them. However, this was not the Teller I was standing in front of. This young lady I didn't know, yet there was no doubt I was supposed to be talking to her. As the Teller whom I worked with asked how I was doing, I responded with a "I'm hanging in there" which of course led to her asking questions as she didn't know about my brain tumour. When I told her the young lady standing before me said " my Mother passed away from a brain tumour" This, one would think would become a very uncomfortable moment, but it wasn't. I was calm as I told her I was sorry and asked her questions about her mom. She was calm as she told me, all the while doing my banking transactions, not missing a beat. There was no doubt in my mind that there was a force that had acted in us meeting that day.
One of my fears is, upon my death (you can't help but think of that when you have a brain tumour) is how are my children going to make out in life. If I don't get to witness it for myself, will they be successful, beautiful, well rounded, kind? Standing before me was a young lady who was all of this and more, and she gave me those answers. She was successful, beautiful and kind. I thought about her all day, talked about her that evening. Something tells me I wasn't looking at her through my eyes but that of her Mother.
Several days later I received a note in the mail from this Teller, thanking me for coming in, how she enjoyed out chat and it was a pleasure meeting me. I then realized that it wasn't just me thinking of her, she too was moved by our 5 minute conversation. It was truly then that I realized it was something way bigger then me that brought us together that day.
Over 20 years ago, while working as a Teller at this exact bank branch I was given a small teddy bear wearing a green sweater. This was a small token from a client who thought I went above and beyond to help her and that my kindness should be recognized. I've held onto that little teddy bear all these years, he's moved houses many times, but always found his way out of a box and onto my dresser. I kept it because every time I looked at it I saw kindness and it made me feel good. When I got in my car after leaving the bank that day, I knew that I had to pass this little bear on. Now keep in mind, I don't think of this bear everyday, in fact hardly ever. However, it sure popped into my mind that day. Not only did I feel like this young lady deserved it but more so, needed it. The little bear with the green sweater now lives in a different house, hopefully given off that same warm fuzzy feeling only teddy bears can give, especially ones given with true kindness.
It was pleasure meeting you Lauren, thank you for the most amazing 5 minutes of time I've had in a long time.
A few weeks ago I had to actually go into the bank, I know in the day of online banking and bank machines, it's a rarity. The person I needed to see was no in yet so I went to the Bank Tellers. Having worked at this particular bank and branch I knew one of the them. However, this was not the Teller I was standing in front of. This young lady I didn't know, yet there was no doubt I was supposed to be talking to her. As the Teller whom I worked with asked how I was doing, I responded with a "I'm hanging in there" which of course led to her asking questions as she didn't know about my brain tumour. When I told her the young lady standing before me said " my Mother passed away from a brain tumour" This, one would think would become a very uncomfortable moment, but it wasn't. I was calm as I told her I was sorry and asked her questions about her mom. She was calm as she told me, all the while doing my banking transactions, not missing a beat. There was no doubt in my mind that there was a force that had acted in us meeting that day.
One of my fears is, upon my death (you can't help but think of that when you have a brain tumour) is how are my children going to make out in life. If I don't get to witness it for myself, will they be successful, beautiful, well rounded, kind? Standing before me was a young lady who was all of this and more, and she gave me those answers. She was successful, beautiful and kind. I thought about her all day, talked about her that evening. Something tells me I wasn't looking at her through my eyes but that of her Mother.
Several days later I received a note in the mail from this Teller, thanking me for coming in, how she enjoyed out chat and it was a pleasure meeting me. I then realized that it wasn't just me thinking of her, she too was moved by our 5 minute conversation. It was truly then that I realized it was something way bigger then me that brought us together that day.
Over 20 years ago, while working as a Teller at this exact bank branch I was given a small teddy bear wearing a green sweater. This was a small token from a client who thought I went above and beyond to help her and that my kindness should be recognized. I've held onto that little teddy bear all these years, he's moved houses many times, but always found his way out of a box and onto my dresser. I kept it because every time I looked at it I saw kindness and it made me feel good. When I got in my car after leaving the bank that day, I knew that I had to pass this little bear on. Now keep in mind, I don't think of this bear everyday, in fact hardly ever. However, it sure popped into my mind that day. Not only did I feel like this young lady deserved it but more so, needed it. The little bear with the green sweater now lives in a different house, hopefully given off that same warm fuzzy feeling only teddy bears can give, especially ones given with true kindness.
It was pleasure meeting you Lauren, thank you for the most amazing 5 minutes of time I've had in a long time.
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