Having A Brain Tumour is Good For Something

There are things that come along with recovering from brain surgery that turn out OK when you look at it with the right attitude.  For example, we have a hummingbird, well actually I think we have two.  I've had hummingbird feeders in the past, I think I fed them, the liquid disappeared and I would see them every now and then.  However, now I know for sure that I'm feeding them as I've had the pleasure of watching them over the past few days.  Amazingly they are not afraid at all.  Zack and I stood on the deck patiently waiting for him to return.  He flew right up to Zack's chest, as he was wearing a shirt with bright red on it and hovered there, scooted over to me and realized I was not food, then to the feeder.  He zoomed off and Zack and I looked at each other in amazement at how totally cool that experience was.  I'm now addicted and love watching him.  If I wasn't recovering from brain surgery I wouldn't have the time to sit patiently and wait for them to come and eat.

Another thing that's alright is the fact that even though we've had very little sun, on the nice days I can sit on my deck for short periods of time.  The heat and my head DO NOT get along if I'm trying to do something like weed my garden.  However, if I'm just sitting there drinking a tea I do ok.  The advantage......for the first time in many years I have "kind of" tanned legs.  This is a miracle for an overly white chick like myself, you don't get much whiter then this blonde haired blue eyed girl.  The only other time I have been able to achieve a tan is through tanning beds and I don't do that anymore.  I'm sure that most people would still think of my legs as not being tanned, but they are not the colour of Elmers white glue at the moment so that's cool.

Finally, I've realized in the last two days that I can't beat this thing.  It's bigger then me.  This doesn't mean I'm giving up, in fact the complete opposite.  It means that finally I've surrendered to the fact that recovery is in my hands and by "over doing it" I'm prolonging the recovery process, 1 step forward, 20 steps back.  Although I think I can do anything, I wouldn't be so stupid to fight a lion or a bear, so why fight this?  So no more pretending I'm better then I am, rest when my body tells me to and stop beating myself up over the fact that I'm not in control.   If I can sit patiently for a hummingbird to return to the feeder, then I can do the same for myself and my brain.

Pi~3.14159265359

Have you ever been so proud of your kids that you could just burst?  I'm always proud of my kids but sometimes something extra special comes along that makes you say "Ya, that's my kid"  This week my son, Zack, was presented with an award that recognizes a grade 5 student who shares Mr. Pickup's (a past Principal) qualities of kindness & Caring, exhibits a keen sense of Humour and is a Creative Thinker.  How cool is that?  This, for sure, is my son.  A calm child who is always thinking, a spiritual being with a sensitive side, loving and funny.  I'd say that's a great way to end Elementary school.

The week also involved a trip to the Balance and Dizziness Centre, (B&DC) where I was told that I was improving but to stop over doing it.  After keeping a journal of what was causing my unsteadiness, balance issues and my "two step stumble" (this is when it looks like I'm drunk and going down for the count but I always catch myself) it appears that these are increased by increased activity.  I told my Physio that the increase in meds has worked, shocks have subsided. She was quick to point out that even when I was not on the meds last year I had periods of intense shocks and periods of when the Trigeminal Neuralgia was "in remission"  So continue with the symptom journal.  Hmmmmm, now I have my Physio and T Jay both telling me to stop over doing it.  In case you haven't figured it out, I am a wee bit stubborn.  I can listen when I want to but tend to do things anyway.  Yesterday for example after returning by cab (still not driving) from the B&DC I fed the kids lunch and for the first time since my surgery, we took Metro Transit.  Now, honestly we didn't go far, just about 5 minutes up the road to the first little strip mall in the Shopping Park.  They were so excited, the bus and we get out of the house.  I have to admit I was feeling a sense of independence myself.  I don't really know too much about the buses other then the fact that   a transfer is good for 90 minutes.  Ok kids you have 90 minutes to shop.   My son got the game he wanted and a new set of cool head phones.  My daughter and her friend...clothes and more clothes.  Everyone did great and we realized on our way back that the bus is a fantastic people watching experience.  I have a friend who writes about her bus adventures on her FB.  It's always funny and now I can see why.  Good times.  So I was feeling great about the day. We got out of the house and now I was showing my kids the pictures I put up on FB of them and how proud I was of all that they do.  Then BAM!!!!  A shock, to what felt like the bone under my eye (the eye with no feeling).  If you have seen me get a shock prior to surgery you will know that your face muscles actually contract with the zapping.  Since I have no feeling to that side of my face it felt like a constant pain even though I could sense my face contracting.  It wouldn't stop and hung on for a least 10 seconds.  Doesn't sound like a long time but to have this intense of a pain for that long is horrific.  I was starting to panic, when it finally stopped all I could feel was an intense numbness and and tingle in my lip.  Are you Freaking kidding me!!!!  Enough Enough ENOUGH!!!  Here was T Jay's opportunity to speak to me about "over doing it", the same thing I heard that morning.  Ugh, Ok, I get it.

Today has been a day of feeling numb, tingly and pains in my face.  It wears me out to an exhaustion that is unmeasurable, but I trudge on because today is a happy day.  The day when you are again the most proud of your kids, grading day.  My kids are excellent students and amazing human beings.  I'm grateful to have two well balanced, smart "middle schoolers" in my life.  What better way to celebrate grading into grade 6 and 8?  Pie, Cherry Cream Cheese Pie, because Pi is part of life's full circle and yummy.