Media Blitz, Brain Fits

Wowzers what a week.  Monday started off with me being interviewed by the most watched morning TV show in Atlantic Canada, CTV Morning Live.  The thought of live TV terrified me, what if my brain just can't find the words I want to say!  However, Heidi Petracek, the co-host made the whole experience so easy.  She is a ball of energy that you can't help but feed off of.  So pretty much what I had planned to say didn't really happen but I'm pleased with what did end up coming out of my mouth.  Any awareness about brain tumours, The Brain Tumour Foundation and the Halifax Spring Sprint was worth the risk of possibly going mute, crying or even getting sick on live TV.  Luckily none of that happened :)

Tuesday had me entering the iconic CBC Radio Building in Halifax for an interview with Don Connolly of Information Morning.  This interview being taped, I thought it would be that much easier, I was wrong.  Mr Connolly certainly is a great conversationalist and made the interview a wonderful experience.  However, my brain was certainly in overdrive.  I have described my brain in the past as a large set of filing cabinets, each containing well organized information.  I've also written a blog post explaining that brain surgery is like someone has gone into those filing cabinets and dumped them, mixing up a well organized system.  I continue to reorganize these imaginary files everyday but they are by no means anywhere close to what I once had.  So my interview had me scrambling to find the words I wanted to use, the information I wanted to share, the message I wanted to portray.  I was actually surprised when I heard it Thursday morning, although there is so much more I could have said, it wasn't bad for having a disorganized brain.

Although these two events were just minutes out of each day, they certainly were a stress that I'm not accustomed to.  Sounds kind of funny as one would think the stress of having a brain tumour would compare, but media is kind of a one shot deal.  The brain tumour, well, I've been carrying it around knowingly for a year and half now, so I'm getting used to it's weight on my soul.  Last evening however, my tumour had one of it's toddler temper tantrum fits and decided to throw a very powerful, long lasting hit of trigeminal neuralgia my way.  Trigeminal Neuralgia is painful shocks to the face, eyes, teeth, anywhere those trigeminal nerves run along the face.  As I've said before, although I experience it everyday, the complication from surgery which has my right side of my face almost completely numb,  has been a benefit from the debilitating shocks.  However, I do have places on my face I feel and did I ever get slammed last night.  This shock stayed on, like someone had turned on a light switch and lasted for a good minute.  That may not seem long to someone who has never experienced lightning striking your face, but to those who know this pain, a minute is an eternity.  It actually scared me and I've taken it as a warning that over doing it is never in my best interest.  Today, my face is certainly getting zapped but nothing in comparison to last night.  Today has now become a rest day.

Tomorrow is the big day, Spring Sprint day.  It's a fun family run that is not timed but rather a gathering of brain tumour survivors with their family and friends who can run or walk 2.5km or 5km.  It is also a place for family and friends to gather to remember those they have lost, to honour their memory, to get comfort.  I will be there with my amazing little family and my wonderful friends who together we have formed the Recovery Roadsters.  I am honoured and grateful to have them walking Recovery Road with me, not just the 2.5 km but everyday.  I am so blessed.  Ironically Monday has me sliding in that MRI tube once again for my next brain "check up."  Of course the stress of this is weighing on my mind.  On twitter, those of us in the brain tumour community # "hashtag" it as #scanxiety, a made up word by a lady in the UK, that couldn't be more accurate.  Anyone who has to have regular MRI for whatever ails you, would understand the anxiety that comes with it and the stress of waiting for the results.  Sigh!!!  So what do I have on the go for Tuesday?  A massage, a well needed, well deserved massage.

If you would like to donate to the Recovery Roadsters you can do so by visiting my donation page here.  My family, friends and my misbehaving tumour, thanks you

Live In The Moment My Friends

The sun is shinning in Nova Scotia once again.  If you can hide from the North wind that still reminds you it's April, it's actually really nice out.  I've spent my last few days headache free.  The last one was a doozy so I guess my brain tumour is taking it easy on me.  I'm ok with that.  Feels fantastic to have my hands in the dirt pulling weeds from the garden, raking leaves and just sitting in the sun like a cat.  This new found "energy" that the sunshine gives you is still short lived as napping and raking seem to go hand in hand.  I have finally surrendered to the fact that my days of pulling a full work day, then a full "Moms" work night are over.  Lots of things don't get done around here anymore and that's OK.  If only half the floor gets swept, so be it, the dirt will be there tomorrow.   Sadly I'm having a hard enough time keeping up with this, I haven't even added the 8 hour work day yet.

The Easter Bunny hopped into our yard this year and brought a large trampoline.  My kids are over the moon with excitement and enjoying this new toy.  I got on with TJay and we held hands and bounced together laughing like kids, I can't tell you the joy in this.  Small things when you have a serious illness are everything.  The following day my kids had me on once again.  You know those moments as a parent when you say to yourself, I need to breathe this moment, etch this moment, live this moment as it is beyond special.  That was one of them.  Watching them bounce and the two of them laughing at my inabilities was priceless.  They are my everything and are proof that God gives us gifts of love in the form of children.  I paid in the form of pain that afternoon and the following day, feeling like I probably shouldn't have "played" on that trampoline.  However, I wouldn't change those moments of sheer joy for anything.

As I type this I hear the giggles and the squeak of the springs of that trampoline.  I'm missing moments and although we can't capture them all, my plan is to do my very best.  Enjoy today's sunshine, laughter and above all health.