Nothing more exciting then getting jolted in the face. Yes the shocks are back, my old friend Trigeminal Neuralgia. I didn't like this friend, in fact I had to do drugs to ditch him. I was told that there was a possibility that he might return as I weened myself off of these drugs and sure enough here he is. Off to my family Doctor to see about increasing the meds back up. I already have "permission" from my Neurologist to do this but I don't think it's a good idea to just start taking more drugs without anyone knowing about it.
One of the most common questions I get asked as I wonder down recovery road is "what do you do all day?" It makes my skin crawl and a deep rooted scream is silenced as I calmly tell them the following:
~I'm recovering from brain surgery, therefore everything I do takes twice as long. Laundry is day long event. Grocery shopping (with help) is exhausting. Getting my mail is an outing. Vacuuming my floor in my tiny house makes my head hurt. Then, there are weekly appointments with this specialist and that specialist. And on top of all of that, paperwork, paperwork and more paperwork. Everyone needs a form, questionnaire or in some cases a small book filled out. I understand the need for insurance companies to have all this documentation, it's important but when you don't drive it's not the easiest to get to my Doctors to have this all taken care of. So to answer the question of what could I possible do all day, you must be bored out of your mind the answer is NO. I hope you never have to recover from brain surgery or live with a brain tumour because it's a living hell, it's exhausting and it's by far the most effort I have ever put into something in my life.
~That's what I do all day...oh and get shocked in the face with the most excruciating pain know to man.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Garden Love
I've spent my time since my last post trying to wrap my head around my latest bit of medical news. I went through a few days were I felt 100% sorry for myself. NOT a trait that I ever allow myself to fall into. However, I'm guilty, guilty of the "boohoo's", the "why me's" the "what if's". This sucks, and I'm ticked off that it's my reality. I've been cranky, teary, upset and angry and that's OK because that was yesterday (or in this case, many yesterday's)
So here's my new reality, nothing has changed other then information, so stop my belly aching and get on with it. I know I'm certainly not the only person to ever face the reality of radiation, so, suck it up princess, I say to myself, and trudge on. In this case my "trudge" led me to my garden, since I can't drive or even take the bus to "get away from it all", no one can stop me from playing in my back yard.
I plopped myself into my garden the other day, what a feeling to get my hands into the dirt. I've always said I would be content if someone just gave me a patch of dirt to play in. It's a soothing meditation, that only a gardener would understand. It's the best release of anger, grabbing that weed and hauling it out. I've taken back my little patch of garden that has been neglected over the last year due to me being unwell. I couldn't believe the sense of power and accomplishment I felt cleaning up a small section. And although it took me two days to remember some of the names of my perennials that I so dearly love, they did come back to me. My centaurea cornflower, shasta daisy and clematice are all tucked happily without weeds, in their beds. Which in turn led to me being tucked into my bed with sheer exhaustion of once again, overdoing it. I now however, have a clear understanding of when that happens, dizziness, unbalanced, exhausted, and the craziest pressure in my head are all very clear indications that I need to stop. I sadly have not figured out the point just before this happens, always leaving me saying "oh crap" I need to sit down before I fall down.
When I look out at the my tiny patch of garden that still needs weeks of work to even come close to the beauty it once was. I'm so thankful it needs work because so do I. This is when I realize that it's the only thing I have control over right now, my little patch of dirt is saving my sanity. It then becomes clear that my garden and I have taken our relationship to a whole new level.
So here's my new reality, nothing has changed other then information, so stop my belly aching and get on with it. I know I'm certainly not the only person to ever face the reality of radiation, so, suck it up princess, I say to myself, and trudge on. In this case my "trudge" led me to my garden, since I can't drive or even take the bus to "get away from it all", no one can stop me from playing in my back yard.
I plopped myself into my garden the other day, what a feeling to get my hands into the dirt. I've always said I would be content if someone just gave me a patch of dirt to play in. It's a soothing meditation, that only a gardener would understand. It's the best release of anger, grabbing that weed and hauling it out. I've taken back my little patch of garden that has been neglected over the last year due to me being unwell. I couldn't believe the sense of power and accomplishment I felt cleaning up a small section. And although it took me two days to remember some of the names of my perennials that I so dearly love, they did come back to me. My centaurea cornflower, shasta daisy and clematice are all tucked happily without weeds, in their beds. Which in turn led to me being tucked into my bed with sheer exhaustion of once again, overdoing it. I now however, have a clear understanding of when that happens, dizziness, unbalanced, exhausted, and the craziest pressure in my head are all very clear indications that I need to stop. I sadly have not figured out the point just before this happens, always leaving me saying "oh crap" I need to sit down before I fall down.
When I look out at the my tiny patch of garden that still needs weeks of work to even come close to the beauty it once was. I'm so thankful it needs work because so do I. This is when I realize that it's the only thing I have control over right now, my little patch of dirt is saving my sanity. It then becomes clear that my garden and I have taken our relationship to a whole new level.
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