Living Happily Ever After In A Bad Dream

A question I get asked a lot is 'how do you remain so positive', or 'you are always so positive'.  Well, I'm a firm believer that negative energy is just as detrimental to your health as any crisis diagnosis.  Anyone in the brain tumour community lives MRI to MRI.  In between those MRI's we live our lives.  In general the main stream population doesn't understand brain tumours . Why?  Because it is always perceived as the worse thing that can possible happen to you.  Think about TV shows and movies, I'll set the scene for you.  A patient laying in a hospital bed, they have come in because they fell down, or blacked out or have the worst headache ever.  The room has several Doctors with their clip boards, (or i pads) and they announce "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you have a brain tumour"  The camera zooms in on the patient who is in utter shock. It's the incredible dramatic affect to any drama TV show or movie.  (now that I've told you this you will notice it all the time). Every time I watch this on TV I relive my day,  every, single, time!  You see every single day 27 Canadians have that exact moment, they are told they have a brain tumour.

For those who know me will probably agree with the following description, I'm assertive and head strong.  These have been great qualities that have got me through some pretty tough situations in my life. I was known as a brat as a child, but we are talking the early 70's, kids were seen not heard back then...except for me.  This boisterous voice of mine has led me down the path of awareness, determined to speak loudly about brain tumours

and doing my part for 7 years.  Recently, I've been contacted by several people, all looking for advice, help, anything for their friend or family member who has been recently diagnosed with a brain tumour.  T Jay and I were talking last night how staggering this number has been over the past few months.

With all of them I share The Brain Tumour Foundation's website (braintumour.ca ).  I share my phone number, I share my blog, I share our Facebook support group.  I don't have all the answers, I am not the expert, but I had that dreadful day of diagnosis, I had surgery, I had radiation and I continue to walk around with an inoperable brain tumour. It is truly like a bad dream but every single day I get up, I carry on, I conquer whatever life throws at me, why?  Because life is so worth living, knowledge is so worth sharing, and finding your happiness is everything. Once you have a brain tumour diagnosis it is with your for life, completely evicted or not.  You are now part of the statistics that are so critical for funding and research,  you are now one of us, doing your best to live happily ever after in a bad dream.

Golden Treasures Come In Blue

I've spent the last 10 months being an executor.  Not an easy task to deal with someone's assets and their belongings.  You find things they held onto so dearly from the past and all you can do is question the purpose of that item.  Eventually, you figure things out, uncover things, finalize things and make the arrangements for their final resting place, following their Last Will and Testament to the best of your ability.  Now the process starts where I finally get to mourn my Mother.  My relationship with my Mother was not like the relationships I saw my friends have with their Mothers.  It was bumpy, it was difficult.  It's hard to always be the parent when you are supposed to be the child.  However, that was our relationship, the roles reversed for as long as I can remember.  I swore that my children would always have a Mother, not be the Mother.  When I became sick I saw my kids take on a more active role in my care.  I tell my kids I'm good when mostly I'm not.  I want them to be the kids who don't have to worry about their Mother.

When cleaning out my Mother's small apartment I came across one knitted slipper.  My Mother loved to knit.  When I was a child all my barbie clothes were knitted, my socks and sweaters, EVERYTHING!!  I hated it when I was little, now I cherish my knitted blankets.  So finding this one knitted slipper was golden.  Inside the slipper was a small ball of matching yarn.  I took the ball out and set it aside, I slipped the lone slipper on my foot and just like the magic in Cinderella, it fit perfectly.  For those who know me will understand, my feet are tiny, a child's 2.5.  So for this slipper to fit was amazing.  I'm going to say it was made for me because that just makes me feel better.  I never questioned for one second what to do with this treasure amongst the piles and piles of Church donations.  It was coming home with me to NS and I was giving it to the person God was telling me to at that very moment, my dear friend Heather Star.  Heather is an incredible friend, she has been with me through all my difficult times, happy times and scary times.  She took the day off of work the day I had brain surgery so she could see me through it with the power of prayer.  She sat with TJay for the gruelling 10 hours at the hospital, waiting for me to wake up.  I often wonder what TJay and Heather talked about for that many hours.  She's celebrated my children's achievements like they were her own.  We've cried together and also laughed until we cried!  If anyone could knit the matching slipper to my mom's half done project it was her.

Heather came to visit me not long after I returned from my Mother's passing in Quebec.  I handed her the slipper and asked if she could make this into a pair.  She left with the yarn and the one slipper, knowing she had been entrusted with an important job.

Several months had past and I had pretty much forgotten about this project, my head too full of taxes and payments and and and....anyone who has been an executor understands the amount of work that is involved.  Then one day Heather shows up with a pair of slippers.  One as beautiful as the other.  She explained that my mom had taught her something.  She had never knitted the stitch around the opening of the slipper the way my mom did, so she had to learn it.  Amazing how someone can teach even after they are gone.  As I inspected the slippers Heather showed me something so very special about each one.  She said you will always know which one your mother made as the one I knitted I sewed a small blue star inside.  Two identical slippers made by two different people with two very different meanings to me, both equally a treasure.